It's only eight more days until I'm married. I'm getting more nervous as the day gets closer(if it's at all possible). But, now it's more of a giddy nervousness...

Sean should be having his bachelor party this weekend. I was a bit upset at first, I mean, in movies, and in Cosmopolitan, a bachelor party is always with strippers and what not. And I don't want Sean to see strippers. It's just disgusting. Not only that, but long ago we were talking about "If you could set any one rule on the other person what would it be?" Mine was that he wasn't to see strippers/titty bars or anything of the sort. His was that I'm not to hang out with another guy who he doesn't know/hasn't met.

Well, I knew his perverted friends would try to get a stripper. But Sean assured me that they would respect him and that there wouldn't be any girls at the party. Lastnight after work, he told me about how he told Joel and a few other guys that he's be having a bachelor party. And as I predicted, they started talking about getting strippers. Sean said no, and they started to call him pussy-whipped. Ignorant-immature bastards! And Sean told them that there weren't to be any girls there, because I didn't want there to be. And they were all talking about how there would be girls there for the other guys. So just when I'm becoming ok with the bachelor party idea, I'm suddenly not ok again.

I thought the point of the bachelor party was for the guys to get together, just a guy thing? It's not a guy thing if girls are there. And if other girls are there, then it's just like any other party... a party that I'm not allowed to go to. Honestly... it hurts my feelings... perhaps I'm being stupid about it, but I feel like the only person not invited... yet anyone else can go. -le sigh-

Not only that, but Sean doesn't like parties. So I don't understand why he wants a bachelor party so much. And we all know his friends are going to pressure him all night to get a stripper, so that wont be fun. So why put yourself through that torment?

Another reason I was upset was because, while he's out having a merry time, what was I supposed to do? Sit in the unairconditioned room all night bored to death? But Starla said that she and I would hang out. I wonder what we're going to do... probably work on wedding ceremony things, or get drunk, or work on webpages, or do yoga... but I still wanna go to the party. I wonder how long he'll be out... I hope not ALL night...

There wouldn't even be a ceremony if it wasn't for my best friend Starla. She's helping me out so much... we even bought a dress the other day. Guess how much it was. Eight dollars!! Starla is my maid-of-honor. She's really helping me out a lot... keeping me on track, and keeping me from bailing, giving me courage and strength... I don't think I ever had a friend this nice, giving, and intelligent... other than Fluffy and Charlotte, who were ever so giving of Bob, and their time, effort, and housing when I needed it.

I can't wait to get married, but I'm still nervous. I mean, I don't want Sean to make a mistake in marrying me. Honestly, I'm not that great... I'm nothing. I'm a nag, I'm a bitch, I get upset over stupid things that I can't help, It's like I have PMS 24-7, I'm not good-looking at all, I'm not very smart, I'm going nowhere in life, I can't cook worth crap(but I can clean!), I'm a troubled mental fuck, a jealous, possessive wench. Part of me still wants to bail, just to keep Sean from making the biggest mistake in his life... I don't think the poor guy knows what he's getting himself into...