Sean and I worked everything out. I was over-reacting a little on a few of the things. I have a habbit of that, my mind just tends to get away with me. But I couldn't help my mind getting away with me on the cock-blocking thing. Cole explained what it was to me, and Sean didn't explain that his defenition of cock-blocking was different.

Sean's not a pervert... no, he's a lot more civilized and mature than any other guy his age. Sure, in the past he made mistakes... but don't we all? I can't hold his past against him, and I shouldn't, because I know I wouldn't like it.

So why did I freak out like I did? I'm extremely stressed, and living in a small dorm in which the air conditioning went out while it's 100 degrees outside. And I have an ear infection. I'm irritable.

And why all the stress? I'm the type of person who likes to be organized. I like to know what's going on. I'm a leader, I like to take care of things. But here I am, in a place I don't know, and I want to take care of getting the house, and the wedding in 18 days. I don't know who's going to perform it... or where it's going to be.

The only thing that I do know, is what kind of a ceremony it's going to be. I want to do the regular ceremony, with the exchanging of the rings, but then I also want to end with the rose ceremony.

"Your gift to each other for your wedding today has been your wedding rings - which shall always be an outward demonstration of your vows of love and respect; and a public showing of your commitment to each other.

You now have what remains the most honorable title which may exist between a man and a woman - the title of "husband" and "wife." For your first gift as husband and wife, that gift will be a single rose. In the past, the rose was considered a symbol of love, and a single rose always meant only one thing - it meant the words "I love you." So it is appropriate that for your first gift - as husband and wife - that gift would be a single rose.

Please exchange your first gift as husband and wife. (exchange) In some ways it seems like you have not done anything at all. Just a moment ago you were holding one small rose - and now you are holding one small rose. In some ways, a marriage ceremony is like this. In some ways, tomorrow is going to seem no different than yesterday. But in fact today, just now, you both have given and received one of the most valuable and precious gifts of life - one I hope you always remember - the gift of true and abiding love within the devotion of marriage.

Sean and Espher, I would ask that where ever you make your home in the future - whether it be a large and elegant home - or a small and graceful one - that you both pick one very special location for roses; so that on each anniversary of this truly wonderful occasion you both may take a rose to that spot, both as a recommitment to your marriage - and a recommitment that THIS will be a marriage based upon love.

In every marriage there are times where it is difficult to find the right words. It is easiest to hurt who we most love. It is easiest to be most hurt by who we most love. It might be difficult some time to find the words to say "I am sorry" or "I forgive you"; "I need you" or "I am hurting". If this should happen, if you simply can not find these words, leave a rose at that spot which both of you have selected - for that rose then says what matters most of all and should overpower all other things and all other words.

That rose says the words: "I still love you." The other should accept this rose for the words which cannot be found, and remember the love and hope that you both share today.

Sean and Espher, if there is anything you remember of this marriage ceremony, it is that it was love that brought you here today, it is only love which can make it a glorious union, and it is by love which your marriage shall endure."

I'm still stressed though. Eighteen days until we're to be married, and I still need to do my vows. I still need to find a nice dress. I don't know where it's going to be at, and we haven't even looked for places or really discussed it. Everytime I try to talk about it, Sean tells me not to stress. I just can't seem to help it though. I just want to know what's going on... I can't wait until it's over, so that I don't have to worry anymore. And so that I don't have to stay in this sticky-hot dorm. And so that I can do things around base(because I'll have an ID).