I'm getting married in twenty-one days...

I find myself getting cold feet again. I'm scared.

Sean is a man... men are the ipidemy of evil. I'll just get annoyed and hurt by him... it's inevitable. That's what men do.

I'm... me... a solitary creature. I don't like to be bothered when annoyed. I don't like too much affection unless motioned by myself otherwise. I want to come and go as I please without having to explain myself.

I'm like a feline in those mannerisms.

However, I so like affection. I like to prepare food for him, and sit to eat with him. I like to rough house with him. I like to cuddle.

I'm no domestic feline then... I'm a lioness.

"...both nurturer and destroyer...natural leader and organizer... is a thinker... is creative, intuitive, and resourceful... is protective..."

I do love Sean... and I don't understand why I'm so scared.

No, I do...

I'm waiting for betrayal. I'm waiting for him to start ignoring me as though I'm a nagg(and perhaps I might be sometimes). I'm waiting for him to talk smack behind my back. I'm waiting for him to try to control me. I'm waiting for him to be hypocritical. I'm waiting for him to cheat on me, or think about cheating on me. I'm waiting for him to degrade me.

After all, that's what men, by their very nature do.

Maybe I should just be a full-fledged lesbian, instead of half?

Sometimes I hate being me.