I strain myself to remain awake. As my fiance now works 'Mids', which means that he works from 10:30 at night to about 8:00 am. I wish to remain awake until he comes back home so that I may lay beside him, and fall asleep to the sound of his deep breathing, and to the warmth that radiates from his body. I am failing in my want to remain awake, and I feel as though any minute I will loose my battle. For I have had a long and tiring day...

Starla and I traveled four hundred miles just to pick up my sweet little chere, Anukis. We traveled 400 miles with only three stops that were less than thirty minutes each.

I'm so happy that my Anukis is coming out to live with us. I don't know how I will ever repay Starla and Cole for taking in Anukis until Sean and I can marry and move into on base housing. And I'm in debt for Starla taking me the whole way there and back...I love to travel, but this was just horrible. The scenery: flat desert with tumble weeds. How terribly boring is that?!

I enjoyed the discussions that Starla and I had... and I am quite happy in the fact that I have a female companion that I can confide in, that I can understand and be understood by, that I can validate and be validated by. If only those of the male gender could give us females what we necessitate, then we wouldn't have the desperate need for female companionship. But unfavorably they cannot give us those needs, or if they can, they usually choose not to fulfill our requirements. And so we are forced not only to seek the accompaniment of men, but also that of a female in order to be appeased to full extent.

Why can things never be simple? Why can't one find fulfillment in one nice neet little package? Why must they find a bit here, and then a bit there? Why must it be so much upkeep? Of course, if Sean could read my mind, and was able to give me everything I required... if we never got into an argument... life would not be as spicey. I would not be a mystery to him, nor he to me... and I believe that is one thing that I require in a relationship. A relationship must keep me guessing, must keep me on my toes, must keep me challenged, or I easily get bored and move on to something that will challenge me.

Oh, how I'm tired, I think I will curl up in bed while watching Joan of Arc, eat a few cookies, and wait for my love to come home so that I may fall asleep. I'm sure though, that I will drop off before he comes home from work to snuggle with me. How terribly dissapointing.