I almost forgot what it's like... to have one friend of the female nature. To be understood, if not entirely, but for the moment. To be validated.

Sean and I went to Cole and Starla's house. This was the first time I met Starla and Kailee(their adorable three year old). We had a lot of fun, playing Scatergories and Monopoly. Anyways, Starla and I got to talking, and I told her about my cat, Anukis, and how I had to get rid of her. She asked me why, and so I told her that we couldn't find anyone to take her in. Starla said that she would have taken Anukis in, and said that I should try to call the animal shelter to see if they still have her, and that if they do, that she would take me to go get her.

You wouldn't believe how happy I was... however, I didn't want to get my hopes up, just incase Anukis wasn't there. So we looked up the phone number for the animal shelter so that I could call. So then Sean and I left to go to Walmart to go get food. I told him about how we might get Anukis. And we ended up getting into a bit of an argument about her. He called her a superficial bitch.

When we were in Walmart, he said something along the lines of he didn't understand me. That's ok, not many do. But he carried on to say that he'd give up a pet with no problem if he had to. If the superficial bitch pert hadn't upset me enough, this certianlly would have.

As always, when upset, I grew quiet. He had insulted me. He invalidated my feelings I had for Anuk. And he made me feel incorrect for crying and behaving the way I did when I got rid of her. So I did only what I knew how to when hurt. I withdrew into myself... into my own little world.

He got upset at me then, I think for the way I behaved. He thought it was because he had different opinions on animals that I did. I tried to explain, but I guess he just didn't understand. He said,"I'm leaving." then he turned to leave. I stood in the hotdog section of Walmart, watching him, expecting him to turn back. He didn't. I stood there for a minute more. Then I put everything in the shopping cart back into it's correct spot, and left, without even checking to see if the car was still in the parking lot.

Perhaps thats why I held Anukis's company for so long instead of human males.

Anuk never invalidated my feelings.

Though she couldn't speak, she understood without me having to say a word.

Anuk never left me, or threatened to. She loved me unconditionally.

So I began walking back to Cole's house. My shoes were quite uncomfortable, so I took them off and ditched them in a bush. When I got to Cole's Starla was still awake, thankfully. So she and I talked until 5 in the morning. I wanted to call Sean, but I didn't know what to say, and I didn't know if he would be home yet. After all, it took me about an hour to an hour and a half to walk to Coles, and I didn't see him drive by.

So I stayed the night at Coles, and called Sean in the morning. Apparently Cole had called Sean to let him know that I was at his house. So later that afternoon, Cole came back from work with Sean so that we could all go to a movie, as planned the day before. I had a pretty bad headache from all the thinking I had done. But I still went with. We went to a Wiccan store, and Sean was sweet enough to buy me a book I had eyed the time we went before. We went to Outback Steak House, which was pretty yummy, but didn't go to a movie, due to the time, and my headache. So Sean and I went back to the dorms, and we talked about what went on in Walmart. There was just a bunch of misunderstanding. He didn't leave Walmart(and quite frankly I didn't think he would have been that mean). But he should have said that he was going to be in a different section of Walmart like he was going to do, just so I would have known. I should have opened up and told him that I was hurt, and why I was hurt, so that he would have known. And I shouldn't have just started walking without looking to see if he was still there. He walked around Walmart for a few hours, and drove around town trying to find me. He didn't get home until about 5 in the morning, and I must have really worried him. I feel really bad now.

How could I be so insensitive?

I've never behaved like that. And I never will again. I do love Sean muchly, and I just need to be more open with him in the way that I feel.

I'm so immature.

Oh, but in chipper news, Anukis is still in the pound, and tomorrow we're going to go get her back. I'm so happy!